Category: Psychotherapy

I am a therapist – does this mean I am free from problems?

In Counselling, Hypnotherapy, Psychotherapy, Self Help, Therapy

Absolutely…

NOT…

I am not perfect; I am not infallible, unflappable or stoic; I lack confidence and have fragile self-esteem; I am indecisive and can procrastinate as much, if not more than anyone else; I am not always calm, carefree, and happy; I do not have a life which is free from stress, anxiety or depression, and “yes” I even have a few phobias. AND one more thing… I am a mother, agghh, and sometimes I think, my kids don’t stand a chance (low self-esteem “10 points”, me, myself, and I “nil points”).

But I am human, and I am real.

I may have all the solutions to your problems, (oops say “hello” to little miss arrogant) but none of the solutions to my own problems. That’s right, I have not solved all my own problems, my husband’s problems, or my children’s problems, yet, but it is a work in progress. And here’s a revelation…

…not all problems need solving, sometimes the “solution” lies in acceptance or a change of perspective.

I was bullied horribly as a pre-teen/teen, as an adult, and even by some of my bosses; as a child/pre-teen, I experienced some very inappropriate behaviour from a trusted adult; and in my late teens I had a serious relationship that turned rather abusive. I’ve experienced the heart-breaking loss of significant loved ones, including my Mum. My marriage has had some very big bumps (nay, potholes the size of a ravine) in the road, which would break many, and, as a parent, things are not always plain sailing, sometimes our home feels like a battleground. I get stressed, depressed, and anxious, and I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep for years!

So, you may think “what kind of a therapist are you, when you can’t even sort your own problems, life, self, out?” Or you may think “wow, I thought my life was bad, but she has got ISSUES!”. But hopefully, most will think “that therapist might have her own problems but at least this means she can really understand and relate to me and my problems”. As one of my actual clients said:

“Excellent. [Tamzin] has an amazing ability to understand, relate and instil confidence” (Barbara).

Some of you might even think “I can really see how working with her could help me so much”. And it may come as a bit of a surprise to learn that…

…sometimes working with my clients on overcoming some of their challenges helps me too.

But more importantly, therapy can help you accept your authentic self, warts-and-all, with unconditional love and compassion, and can empower you to make the changes you are looking for.

Through working together, you can experience true empathy, understanding, and that feeling of really being seen. You will be listened to without judgment, as you explore your experiences. It can help you to consider different perspectives, and find your own solution/s as you overcome whatever challenges, or problems you are facing. 

Final thought – Being a therapist does not mean I am without problems, or that I have all the solutions but as a therapist, I can walk with you through your journey and help you tap into, and utilise, your own very powerful inner resources to affect the changes you want.

To become the best you, and live your best life.

 

 

 

10 Top Tips to reduce your stress (2021)

In Psychotherapy, Self Help

Reducing your Stress

  • Break tasks down – This is one of my favourites. Focus on just 1 thing at a time, even if it is 1 thing per day: this can help massively to reduce feelings of overwhelm and make things more manageable. That one thing could be work-related or maybe something in your personal life, such as doing one thing for your partner, children, family, or a friend, for example. If you want you may want to do one thing for each of these areas of your life.

Commend yourself for your achievement and be kind to yourself, if one day you don’t do your one thing, it’s okay.

Self-care tip – Remember to do one thing for yourself every day too, from making yourself a cup of tea to telling yourself something positive, to doing something you enjoy.

  • Find 3 things every day that you are thankful or grateful for, or that you feel good about, or that make you feel good. From the breeze, as it gently brushes your cheek, to the sound of the autumn leaves beneath your feet, to the fact that you actually have feet and the wonderment of movement, breathing, living.

Sensory tip – If it helps you might want to imagine what it is like for a baby, to see, hear, feel/touch, smell, taste everything for the first time!

  • Challenge unhelpful thoughts – If you find yourself thinking negative things about yourself, or indeed others, or being angry at the world, or nervous about what might happen, or anxious about what has already happened, change it.

Catch it – “I always forget what to say”

Check it – ask yourself “Is this true, do I ALWAYS, forget what to say?” What evidence is there to support this thought? Find evidence of some of the times when you didn’t forget what to say.

Change it – “There are many times when I am good at remembering … I am good at remembering” or “Sometimes I may forget what to say, (I am human after all) but I am ALWAYS good at listening”.

For informational purposes only, there is this app: https://www.nhs.uk/apps-library/catch-it/

Micro-tip – Don’t be hard on yourself if you find it difficult to turn a negative thought into a positive one, it takes practice and time, and if you can’t find an alternative thought, be kind to yourself. Noticing and acknowledging a negative thought can still bring value and give you a feeling of control.

  • Be active – Doing something physical can be a great way of bringing you out of your head and into your body, it can help you release nervous energy and tension, and boosts those feel-good hormones.

Tip – Remember to drink lots of water when exercising and throughout the day. This can help maximize physical performance, affects energy and brain function, and can aid weight loss (info from healthline.com)

  • Talk – Talking to a friend, or family member, colleague or counsellor can often help. These social connections can be a source of comfort and create a space for you to get things off your chest and/or out of your head. In so doing you may find alternative perspectives, helpful suggestions, or simply, and most importantly, a chance to be seen or feel heard.
  • Plan ahead – planning and preparing for potentially stressful days or events can help you stay focused and on track; it can create feelings of achievement, and help you feel more in control. It also gives a bit of room for unexpected or unforeseen events arising, all of which can help to reduce stress.

Coronanxiety – how to be kind to yourself (AnxietyUk)

In Psychotherapy, Self Help, Therapy

Caronavirus has brought a difficult time for many, but remember to be kind to yourself. Reaching out is a sign of strength.

Did I mention I am an AnxietyUk approved therapist? This video is one of several useful resources produced AnxietyUk (2020). AnxietyUk is a national registered charity for those affected by anxiety, stress, and anxiety-based depression. They are also fully supported by an expert team of medical advisors.

3 Keys to Happiness in Daily Life

In Psychotherapy, Self Help

It doesn’t take a whole new routine to instill a dose of happiness into your day—but it does take a little self awareness.

1. Be grateful for the good & the bad.

Research shows, grateful people are happy people. It’s also important to understand that happiness is not the absence of negative feelings. Gratitude is a focus on the present and appreciation for what we have now, rather than wanting more. Embracing gratitude, as a state of mind, can have a positive affect on all aspects of life including our happiness and overall satisfaction.

Up your mood by taking a moment daily to think of your world with gratitude. Start a gratitude journal or take a walk in nature paying attention to all the gifts around us. Think of a person that helps you on a daily or weekly basis – a spouse, parent, friend, pet, teacher, cleaner, or babysitter.

Quiz: How grateful are you? Take the Gratitude Quiz published by the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley.

2. Flex your creativity muscles.

Do you have a passion or hobby? It doesn’t have to be a formal activity, simply engaging in creative thinking can enhance well-being by enhancing cognitive flexibility and problem-solving abilities. A recent study out of New Zealand, published in The Journal of Positive Psychology explains that creative activities can trigger an “upward spiral” of well-being.

“Practicing an art — no matter how well or badly — is a way to make your soul grow. So do it.” – Kurt Vonnegut.

Make some space in your day to create, even if it’s just for the sake of it. Try exploring unique textures or even natural and recycled materials to make something for your home or a friend. Looking for some tips on how to add more creativity into your daily life? Read this list of 101 creative habits to explore.

3. Get connected, Stay connected.

Being apart of something larger than yourself can help bring perspective as well as a sense of belonging. Scientific evidence strongly suggests that feeling like you belong and generally feel close to other people is a core psychological need; essential to feeling satisfied with your life. The pleasures of social life register in our brains much the same way physical pleasure does.

So take the time to nurture a friendship that is important to you. Make an extra effort to show you care, send a card, make a plan to have lunch, or give them a call and really listen to what they say. Smile and say hello to a stranger. Tell a story when someone asks how your day is going. Notice how you feel when you share something with someone new.

Struggling and need support? Join a support group and talk to others that can relate. Find your tribe: support.therapytribe.com – a free online support community brought to you by TherapyTribe.

TherapyTribe - Wellness Tracker Tip: Check out the wellness tracker. It’s a simple but powerful tool designed to help you remember the promises you make to yourself. As you complete wellness activities your tree will blossom, and so will you!